If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
