Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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