What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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