apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
