Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
