thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
