She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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