as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
