Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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