She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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