Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is wine microwaveable?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
