Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
