We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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