this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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