I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
