if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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