also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
