I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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