you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
