Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
