whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
