Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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