If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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