look no pants
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
