y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
