I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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