He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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