your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
