I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
