Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
birth control should be required to get into college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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