i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
