Already got asked if we're dating
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
