His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
