he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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