Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
