The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
