4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
