his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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