The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
