Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
