you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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