So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
