I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
