she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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