its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
