Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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