I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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