i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
