I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
