nut hugger
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
