You smell like stripper and shame
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
