he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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