if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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