This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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