I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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