The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
